My Final Words to a Dear Friend

Today I went to visit a life long friend who is 93 and very ill. She just wants to go to sleep and not wake up. She has lived a very full life, and she is ready to go.

I knew I was one of two people who knew where she was, and that her condition had changed over the past 4 days from walking two miles on Sunday to needing help for everything on Thursday.

We just never know what the future holds. Her sudden change gives me pause.

I have been working extremely hard to reduce heavy work load, side step anxiety producing situations, and combat my exhaustion. For being “a doing all things at once” person, MS is a serious life interrupter.

I pondered my words and my emotions as I drove the 16 miles to her nursing facilty. I needed to hold it together so I could drive home. Once I realized that I had this important task; I knew just what to say, how to act, and how to show my love.

I took no flowers or candy: those seemed inappropriate. However, I took the true gratitude I felt in my heart. I have known her since I was 7 or 8, so some 60 years.

I could tell she felt a little sheepish in all her 93 pounds, in her flimsy hospital gown, and her scratchy white linens.

I took her hand and told her how important she was in my life. I explained that she had inspired me my entire life; I learned to stand up, be resilient, and be a leader. I watched her listen to my words. Her eyes grew large, and she smiled. I told that that my life felt complete and oh so meaniingful because I had her as a mentor and role model when others just thought I was trouble.

She took my hand and told me she is not going home. She wants to leave soon. Knowing she has not religious affliation, I told her to have a happy trip and to find adventures in her next stop. She promised me she would.

I drove home with a full heart. I felt so proud that we did not have a “tear fest”, but rather I made her feel that her energy and time here was and is well spent and that she was and is loved and respected.

It is difficult to say goodbye and know it is final.